The Crumbling of the Judgment Stone

Judgment has been a companion my whole life. I believe this is true for all humans. It is a key player of the human journey. Coming fully online as teenagers when our job is to judge the world as harshly as possible. Then we grow and learn and our judgement is a tool of survival. To evolve requires a taming of judgment.
I began my journey of wrestling judgment in 2013 during my shamanic training building my Mesa. We were told to choose a stone to hold the energies that bind us. Each of us working our own story. Working our wounds until they became our greatest strength. We were told to allow the energy to present itself naturally. Each person has their own poison to make their medicine. There is no medicine without poison. Judgment was one of mine.
The trap of judgment has shown itself to me as the binding force of suffering. During the unwinding of the energetic imprint that was written in my bones, held throughout my being, I found that I was both the victim and the perpetrator of judgment. I lived in a trap of judgments being the judgy bitch, the eco-douche bag unable to enjoy anything without judging it. Fear of others judgment kept me from action in my own life. My own judgment kept me from love.
Over the course of processing, the judgment turned into discernment. An inner GPS of clear vision, holding and defining my own ethical line. However, it only stayed that way with lots of awareness and work. As I worked this energy I held judgment in the forefront of my awareness, always checking to see if I was coming from that place of judgment. Often Judging myself for being judgy. This did not help, yet was a necessary step. During this time the control through judgment became clear, the blinding clarity of how our whole society keeps creating itself through the dance of judgment and shame. It was frustrating to feel that I was one of the few even trying to keep their judgment in check. It felt unfair at times.
My first upgrade came in the form of a stone from the mountain Ausangate, this divine masculine mountain of wisdom, took my judgment, and linked it to my truth cord. I could find my way without constantly checking myself. I knew I could trust myself to know which way to go based on discernment not judgment.
​ I held my friend judgment in this way for many years.
And then trump was elected... his election filled me with rage, fear, and despair. It activated the warrior bitch goddess within me and asked me to fight. I turned to fire to assist in clarifying these feelings. I offered a fire to the community for three days. At the beginning of this fire I knew I needed something to help me find trust in this process. I did not want to believe this was part of the plan. I throw my judgment stone into the fire. Three days later I dug it out of the ashes and found to my deep disappointment that the stone had not changed. It looked exactly the same. I was still angry, scared, mad and most of all full of judgment.
It was not until three weeks later when I was working with a distance client that the change revealed itself. I use my Mesa stones to hold the chakra spaces of the client when they are not physically in the room. I do this to help focus my awareness and intention. The judgment stone was holding this person’s heart. As I worked with them and I was touching my stone it began to crackle. I continued working ignoring the sounds until after I was done working. As I held the stone in my hands it cracked into two. In the center of the grey stone was a little rust colored heart shape. The message was clear, Judgment had turned into love. Just love.
​As the moths have continued unfolding, I find myself with no warning, falling deeply in love with everything. coming straight out of my heart.
It began as I drove down the street to pick up my daughter from school. Every person I passed was so unbelievably precious and full of potential that they were completely unaware of. I found myself blinded by the beauty.
With continued unfolding of the world I have find my heart cracking open. As this process has allowed the eye of my heart to be made clear and refined. The alchemy of burning away judgments has led me to coming from my heart and the stone has continued to crumble.
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I found myself at Costco the other day, a place that used to be so overwhelming to me I could hardly go there for fear of overload. I found myself in love with every person there, in awe of the abundants and beauty so easily and readily available to all. I am in love, I am love.
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My judgment stone has asked to leave my Mesa it no longer has placed there. This is my love letter to all that it has thought me.